


Sins of the Youth

by SapphicWriter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Genderbending, Marauders' Era, Other, no they don't end up together, the one that got away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:25:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8360854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphicWriter/pseuds/SapphicWriter
Summary: Severine Snape made terrible decisions in her teenage years. From being bullied by classmates, to her crumbling friendship with Lily Evans, to inappropriate feelings towards girls and a dislike for everything feminine, it felt as if thought there were no other turns to make but the wrong ones. A storm brews on the horizon as the Dark Lord grows stronger, and Severine finds herself as the only one able to stop it before it's too late. In short: Severus Snape reinterpreted as a butch lesbian with a capital b. Also starring: genderbent Regulus Black and bisexual Lily Evans.





	1. Prologue

**September 1st, 1974**

 

– Do you mind? – said a black-haired girl standing by the cabin’s door.

They had never talked to one another, but Severine knew who she was. Regina Black was impossible to miss: she was Black’s younger sister, the Slytherin team’s promising replacement seeker. The official seeker would graduate next term and Regina taking his place was a given.

– No.

Regina walked with her chin high-up as if being there was beneath her. Severine didn’t mind as much, because it was true. She was a pretty, rich, pureblooded girl. Most things were indeed beneath her.

Severine returned to reading her book, imagining that perhaps Regina would walk right out or not be interested in a conversation. Instead, she sat down and stared Severine for a long moment before saying:

– Your name is Snape, isn’t it? I heard Slug saying you are one of his most bright students. I’m Regina Black. Even though you are inseparable from that muggleborn girl, Evans, I think we should be friends.

– What’s wrong with her?

– Nothing. – said Regina, dismissively. – I’m sure she has good qualities. But someone like you could use hanging out with different people; I thought I might as well introduce myself, since you are here all alone.

Since they were together the entire summer, it seemed unfair of Severine to expect Lily to be with her during the ride to Hogwarts as well, while she had friends she had not seen for months. The only problem of Severine being by herself was that Potter and his friends were sure to find a way to taunt her. Except Black left his sister alone.

So, all in all, in spite of Regina’s air of superiority, it was a good deal.

– Okay. Let’s be friends.

– Good. So will you come with me outside? I promised my parents I’d say goodbye to them after finding a cabin. They are waiting for me.

– I… – Severine hesitated, mindful of her status. – I don’t think I should.

– Nonsense. They’ll like you if you are a friend of mine.

Maybe it was all a bit too sudden, however it didn’t feel all too unnatural. They have known each other for a while, it seemed, even without exchanging a word. Not to mention, belonging to the Slytherin house infused them with a sense of camaraderie.

– Fine. I’ll go.

Regina locked her arm with Severine’s before leaving. Doing such things grew to feel rather strange for the older girl, who didn’t enjoy most things regular girls her age did. But Regina seemed too content for her to refuse.

– I’ve been wanting to befriend you for a while now, Severine. We are going to be great friends.

 


	2. Chapter 1

**November, 1974**

– Hey there. – Lily announced her presence before sitting down beside Severine in the library.

Severine quickly concealed some of the scrolls and books near her. It was an unspoken contract between them. The time when they could talk to one another about everything was long gone; Lily preferred not to see some of the things Severine was up to. As long as they could still hang out and have fun together…

– Hello.

– Where’s your new friend _Regina_?

– How am I supposed to know?

– I don’t know, the two of you seemed so close all of a sudden… – Lily pouted. – I’m jealous. She gets to be around you most of the time.

– You could have too, if you were sorted in Slytherin.

– Or if you have been sorted in Gryffindor.

– Over my dead body.

– My feelings exactly.

They dropped the subject. It never went anywhere good. Lily couldn’t understand how Severine saw no problem in hanging out with people of the likes of Avery, Mulciber and Black, all the while she had a point on disliking some Gryffindors.

Although Lily didn’t think of herself as being in the wrong, she’d rather avoid discussions on the matter.

– Anyway… – said Severine, more lightly, as Lily unpacked her materials. – The Hogsmeade trip is happening next weekend. Are we going together or do you want to go with your friends?

– I’m not sure I even want to go. It’s always the same over there and I let so much homework pile up already. Plus, you don’t even like it there.

– There’s just not much to see. I don’t it mind it really. If you are not going, I might even go anyway.

– Why?

– You are going to complain if I tell you.

Lily narrowed her eyes at her best friend and playfully slapped her shoulder.

– So you are going with the other Black. That’s why you asked, isn’t it?

– I asked because I told her I’d go with her if you weren’t going. – explained Severine. – Since we always go together.

– Well, that… Sounds fair. But I hope she doesn’t get used to it. – Lily said.

– I’ll let her know, don't worry. 

Only then they turned to homework. The silence in the next couple of hours was only broken by questions about their studies, nothing else.

Even though it might sound boring to other people, those things reminded Lily why she was best friends with Severine in the first place. Her determination inspired Lily to do better and work hard, her silence felt comfortable.

Maybe if she wasn’t a girl…

Lily shook her head. Those kind of thoughts have been plaguing her mind as more and more of her classmates talked about crushes. None of the boys Lily knew seemed worth of her time, not when comparing to Severine.

– Sev, can I ask you a personal question?

– What is it, all of a sudden?

– Have you ever had a crush? You know, on a boy? I’m curious about what kind of boy you’d like.

Severine furrowed her brows in a mix of condescension and bewilderment.

– What kind of question _is_ that?

– I said that I was curious. You probably don’t think about these things, but you are going to like a boy someday. Get married, have babies, you know.

Talking about it out loud while referring to Severine felt out of place. Lily couldn’t imagine her doing any of those things. Maybe it was because she looked too much like a boy herself: the shoulder-length hair was kept without a care, making the sharp, androgynous angles of her face warp and seem masculine. Not to mention the shapeless dark clothes, the way she walked without swaying her hips.

Lily was curious to know about who Severine would be once she turned into a young woman. She had a long way to go still.

– I suppose you are right. I don’t see it happening right now, though.

– Maybe it’s because we are still sort of young. Some bloom later than others.

– Maybe.

– But we’ll still be friends, right?

– Duh. What’s gotten to you?

– I’m feeling sentimental today. I wonder if we are going to grow old and still be friends.

– I don’t see why not. Can we go back to studying now?

– _Fine._

When Severine and Lily finally parted ways somewhere near the Gryffindor tower sometime later, Lily was soon approached by Potter.

– Doesn’t her grease rub off on you or something?

– What a great way to start a conversation, Potter. By insulting someone I like.

Lily resumed her walking, and he followed her along.

– I’m just saying. I wash my hair. I get good grades. Can Snivelline fly a broomstick? I don’t think so.

– What are you even trying to do… Leave me alone.

– What I am trying to do is to invite you to Hogsmeade. Since your loyal friend ditched you for someone else.

– She didn’t _ditch_ me. And how do you even know she’s going with someone else? It’s none of your business.

– Merlin. What do you like so much about her?

– She’s nice, she’s funny, she’s smart and so much better than you in all conceivable ways.

– Except maybe for her little thing for Dark Arts, right? Does being a Slytherin ring any bells?

Lily swallowed hard.

– Sev just likes to read about all sorts of things. And what’s your problem with her? She never did anything to you.

– It’s nothing personal. It just that she gets all of your attention and I’m the jealous type.

– Go away, Potter. You are not my boyfriend.

– Maybe I will be. When that happens, lovely Sev will gonna have to deal with me being your favorite person instead.

– I said, go away!

Lily picked her pace and left Potter behind, fume pouring through her ears and blush creeping up her neck. The annoyance with Potter’s attitude went beyond the usual, however. He seemed to see right through Lily’s weird thoughts about Severine being a boy and what would happen instead.

Otherwise, why would he feel jealous? A female best friend was not competition for a boyfriend.

Unless it was.

With that thought, Lily shook her head once more and entered the Gryffindor tower.

*******************

 

Severine hesitated a bit before going forward and approaching Regina as she went to the Great Hall for dinner. Being able to just go over to start a conversation still felt strange, like she’d be a bother.

Alas, in only a couple of months, saying Regina was not a close friend already would be a lie. Severine didn’t have to keep her interests secret Regina was, in fact, terribly smart and knowledgeable about Dark Arts. When she was not being clingy and attention-seeking, that is. But Severine found herself even liking it.

– Regina.

– Sev. Hi. Are you going to the Great Hall?

– That too. But I wanted to tell you that Lily isn’t going to Hogsmeade, so…

– Good. If that’s the case, then I have a favor to ask you.

– What is it?

– It’s just that I’ve heard stories about this weird shack around Hogsmeade. I want to go there and see what’s in there.

– Are you insane? It might be dangerous.

– Sev, please. – said Regina, pulling Severine’s arms and batting her lashes. – You know a bunch of spells and I know a bunch of spells too so it will be fine. Please? Aren’t you bored of the rest of Hogsmeade anyway?

– Ugh.

– I hope that’s a yes.

– A reluctant one.

Regina smiled brightly and rested her head on Severine’s shoulder.

– It works just fine. 

Severine didn’t know what to think of being object of such affection. While she liked having someone who enjoyed her company, it felt like Regina’s interest was fickle and could change at a moment’s notice. Severine, on the other hand, didn’t take things lightly; she put a lot of importance to each conversation and moment spent together, even if it at first accepting Regina’s friendship had been an opportunistic move.

There also seemed to be a divergence of feelings when it came to touching. Regina hugged, locked arms and touched as if it was not a big deal. Severine would like to avoid such attitude. Not because it felt bad; but because it felt too good. Electric, almost. She didn’t want to let go.

Not being touched meant not having to think about how creepy and inappropriate that was.

– Don’t you know how to walk without clinging to me?

– Seesh. – said Regina, stepping away. – Fine. I can tell you don’t like it, anyway. You get all tense… What’s wrong? Don’t you like being touched?

Severine tried to keep a straight face as she said:

– Not really.

– I’ll respect your space, then. You can always tell me if I’m bothering you.

– You don’t bother me at all. – blurted out Severine.

– Oh. Okay. You don’t bother me either, if you must know. Can’t wait to go see the shack with you.

Severine felt like breaking things off right there and never speaking to Regina again.


	3. Chapter 2

**November, 1974**

Severine did not break things off. As such, she and Regina walked out of the dungeons together to go to Hogsmeade. The air was crisp, cold yet not harshly so. It snowed the night before but the sky cleared off by dawn. It sure was a perfect morning to enjoy the snow outside.

But Severine would have stayed in if she could stop herself from going. She didn’t like being seen with her muggle clothes. It was not that she disliked them, since after growing out of her old clothes, her mother had saved some money for “new” clothes – as in second-hand ones in better state –, and for once Severine picked things she wanted to wear.

Except she wanted to wear boys’ clothes. It felt great to be able to move freely, wear pants and not mind wearing a bra because her shirts concealed her breasts. The stares and whispers didn’t feel all too great, though.

Severine was aware that she looked like a freak, even more so when standing right beside Regina and her tailored, feminine clothes. She looked even prettier with her face red from the cold wind. Severine only seemed pissed off.

– So where is Evans, after all? – asked Regina as they strolled off to Hogsmeade, apart from everyone else.

– Staying back at Hogwarts. Hogsmeade gets a bit boring after you visit it enough times. It’s always the same.

– The shack is new. Lucius said there was nothing weird going on there when he first came to Hogwarts. That, my friend, is why I want to go. My classmates went on about ghosts, but as far as I know it’s been abandoned. Unless someone was killed there recently. Or it might be something worse than a ghost.

The mystery excited Regina. She talked about it as if it was a mere puzzle to solve. What could Severine expect of someone who rode a broomstick in high speeds at a fatal height and called it fun?

– Do you want to go _in_ there?

– Why not?

– You listed the reasons yourself just now.

– Well. Let’s check it out from the outside and go from there. Right? Is it reasonable enough for you?

Severine shrugged.

– I guess.

– We are going to be fine. No one died. – said Regina, and paused. – I think.

For someone smart, she was not very wise. Severine couldn’t help drawing a comparison between Regina’s and her brother’s antics. However, Regina would go to shack, alone or accompanied. Severine couldn’t avoid feeling responsible.

Potter and his gang were ahead of them, throwing snowballs at each other. They didn’t have as many opportunities to taunt Severine since the beginning of the term beyond harmless classroom pranks; still, she didn’t miss that sometimes either Potter or Black would look over the shoulder.

Retaliation for befriending Regina was bound to happen.

– Do you like your brother? – asked Severine.

– I tolerate him. He hates me because our parents don’t like him, since he doesn’t support the family’s ideals.

– You do?

– I do. Does that come off as a surprise?

– I’m a half-blood.

– Yeah, and your best friend is a muggleborn. I know all of that. – Regina shrugged. – It doesn’t matter what your blood status is. My ideals are only a problem for people who make it a problem.

Severine didn’t find that very coherent. Even if, surely enough, Regina never brought any of those issues up or mentioned her family as anything special.

In a way, Severine could see where she came from. Muggles were the absolute worst towards people with magical blood; for one, her father, Tobias. Eileen had waited until they were married to tell him about being a witch. Ever since, nothing was same. Severine knew because it had happened when she was four or five, and displayed her first signs of magic.

He didn’t not handle any of it well. At the time Severine didn’t understand, but Tobias snapped Eileen’s wand in half and forbid her from using magic. His drinking got worse and money became tighter as he became unable to work, all the while not letting Eileen work, either.

They became so poor and Tobias so dependent on alcohol that Eileen found a job at Knockturn Alley. Even so, things were still not good, as she did not pursue further education than the one offered at Hogwarts.

If she didn’t have fallen for a muggle and trusted he’d accept her no matter what… Severine would have a much better life. Not like Regina’s, but still pretty good.

If muggles didn’t exist or had no contact whatsoever with the Wizardry World…

– Is it a problem, Sev? – said Regina, bringing Severine out of her own thoughts.

– What? N-no.

– You went quiet all of a sudden.

– I was just thinking about something.

– Oh. Well, we’ll arrive soon, so maybe it’s time to stop thinking.

Potter and his gang were no longer anywhere to be seen.

Severine and Regina went down the High Street to, in the mess of students, slip away without being noticed.

The shack was more distant from the High Street than expected; Severine could barely see the rest of Hogsmeade from the deteriorating gates at its entrance. The two girls stopped to observe. Everything was quiet. The snow covering the ground was fresh and unperturbed. No one with legs walked about since the night before, for certain.

– Do you think it’s safe to go there? – questioned Regina, out loud, more to herself than to Severine.

Either Severine thought it was dangerous or not didn’t seem to factor in her decisions.

– Everything’s quiet for now.

– Yeah. So let’s take a closer look.

Regina opened the gate and took the first step inside the shack’s yard, leaving behind an obvious trail of footsteps.

– People will know someone has been here.

– We’ll cover the tracks when we get back, don’t worry.

Too late. Severine had been worried about it since she woke up, later that same morning. She put her hands in the pockets of her coat, one of which contained her wand, and followed Regina.

Regina stopped in front of the house and sighed in disappointment.

– All of the entrances are shut with wooden boards.

Indeed. There wasn’t a way inside the building, something Severine was thankful for.

– So do we go back now?

– No way. Let’s see if there’s any boards we can release to get in through a window.

Regina walked around the house to find a lateral window to break into. She got her wand at ready and without uttering a word, ejected the boards from their place to into the what seemed to be the living room.

– See, we didn’t have to give up so easily. – she said as she climbed inside, with the ease of a feline.

Severine, albeit less gracefully, did the same. By the time she was in, Regina had already disappeared into the second floor, but she didn’t accompany yet, stopping to look around.

Someone wealthy had lived there a long time ago, it seemed. The little wallpaper still on the wall was very fine. The furniture, covered in dust and smashed down, had been fine too. Besides the abandonment, however, it looked like someone got in there and destroyed everything.

– Sev! Take a look at this! – called Regina from upstairs.

Severine climbed the stairs, not without some hesitation. The stairs lend to a hallway. Regina stood at the end of it, staring at a wall, and Severine went to stand behind her.

She then lifted a ripped part of the wallpaper, revealing the pattern of claws.

– I guess we know _what_ did this to the house. – said Severine, standing closer to Regina to see better. – It was not a person.

Then they heard a loud creek on the first floor.

– Damn it! I told you not to make any noise, Wormtail.

Wormtail…? It was one of those ridiculous nicknames Potter and his friend used.

– Is it my fault if this place is falling apart? – said Petter Pettigrew.

– If you paid attention, then nothing would make noise.

The bickering covered the sound of footsteps as Severine grabbed Regina’s wrist and went into the closest room, which was a lone person’s bedroom. The bed had been smashed in, torn apart. The wardrobe, on the wall beside the door, however, still stood quite firm. On its door, the clear mark of claws and biting.

It was big enough for the two girls to hide.

– What do we need this for? – whispered Regina in the tight space. – I can’t see a thing.

– Be quiet! – Severine ordered and covered Regina’s mouth with her hand.

– The two of you need to shut up. – said Black, downstairs. – Whoever broke in is still inside and can hear everything you say.

– We should speak to Dumbledore about this. – said Remus Lupin. – This is serious. What if it’s a Hogwarts’ student?

– We will. But first, we’ll handle it ourselves. – said Potter.

To make it even safer, Severine pulled out her wand and cast a disillusionment charm on both herself and Regina. Not a particularly strong one, thought it should be enough. Regina yanked off Severine’s hand out of her mouth, but kept quiet.

The floors made it hard to move around the shack without making noise. The two girls heard Potter coming into the room they were in to check it out.

Severine meant to wait it out until they left the house, but Regina had other plans: as soon as he stood in front of the wardrobe, she flung the door open.

– Stupefy!

Potter flew to other side of the room, banged against the wall and slid to the ground, unconscious.

– _Are you crazy_?! – Severine whispered.

– Did you hear that? – said Lupin, inside another room in the second floor.

– Just run!

The charm that concealed the both of them was not one of Severine’s finest jobs, but it did its trick when they had to run out of the shack. Regina had the idea of knocking things off as they went, to confuse and distract the four boys. None of the four could pinpoint where they were as Severine and Regina ran off to hide in the woods nearby.

– Merlin. – said Severine, falling face first on the soft snow, her breath shallow and quick.

– Why are you so afraid of them? – asked Regina as she sat down, a bit less flustered than her friend. – My brother and his friends?

– You don’t know what they can be capable of. And they hate me, for some stupid reason.

– So why don’t you fight back?

– I’d be in bigger trouble. I just want to be left alone.

– I suppose. The real question here is what is going with that shack and why it’s important to them. Are they keeping some sort of pet? Where was it when we were there? Why would they speak to Dumbledore about it?

Severine’s face burned from the cold, so she turned around to lie on her back, not minding the damp clothes and hair.

– It’s probably important, but I can’t think straight right now. I don’t think I ever ran this far in my entire life.

Regina laid down as well, on her side. They stared at each other for a moment before she said:

– Isn’t exercise good for your health or something?

– Shut up.

 


	4. Chapter 3

**November, 1974**

 

Lily sat by the Gryffindor common room with Mary McDonald, about to go to sleep, when Potter, accompanied by all of his friends, tapped her shoulder.

– We need to talk to you about something.

– What do you even have to talk to me?

– It’s important.

Lily never saw Potter being that serious about anything, so with a raised brow, she followed the group of four to a more private part of the common room.

– Would you happen to know what lovely Snivelline was up to during the trip to Hogsmeade? – asked Black.

– How could I know? I think you know she went with your sister, and I stayed at the library studying.

– Didn’t she tell you anything? – pressed Lupin, his face covered in scratches as always. – Nothing at all?

– Should she have told me something?

Potter put his glasses back to the top of his nose.

– You see, I think your friend is becoming somewhat of a troublemaker. The details don’t matter right now. – he said, more in his usual manner. – But if she didn’t say anything, then I suppose it’s all good.

– What happened?

– Like I said, Lily flower, the details don’t matter. Thank you for answering our questions. Have a nice night of sleep.

Severine was not much of a good liar. When Lily asked how it went, she shrugged and said “Fine”. Casually. Too casually. Because Lily thought it was better to respect her privacy, she let it go. But then it felt like it was a matter worth of some insistence, as trouble found Severine way more often than she looked for it.

Lily waited until after the Potions’ class later that week to approach the subject again:

– Are you sure everything went fine when you went to Hogsmeade this weekend? – she asked as they walked together to the upper levers of the castle, before splitting up to go to the next classes.

– Yeah. Why do you ask?

– Because I know you are lying. Look, I wouldn’t mind at all if Potter hadn’t come to ask me if you had told me anything. What happened there?

Caught red-handed, Severine let her shoulders drop and sighed.

– Ugh. Something did happen. I thought I’d keep it a secret, but I suppose you knowing is not a problem. I’m not even sure what happened.

– Spill it.

– Regina and I trespassed that shack. You know, the one from the rumors? She told me it wasn’t that way when Malfoy was around, which means it’s something recent. We went there. – said Severine, her voice almost a whisper.

– You did what?!

– Shhh! Do you mind speaking louder so everyone else can hear it too?

– Was it your idea?

Severine scanned the neighborhood for Potter and his friends’ location, for sure, before replying:

– Obviously not. It was Regina’s. I felt like I shouldn’t let her go alone so I went as well. Every way in was boarded up but she managed to open a window and we went inside. Everything there had been destroyed by some sort of clawed animal.

– And then?

– And then… Potter and his friends showed up. Apparently they know what’s up and talked about telling Dumbledore someone trespassed.

– Did they see you?

– Don’t think so. We managed to get away with disillusionment charms, but I assume they must have caught a glimpse since I don’t really know how to cast it very well.

– Merlin, Sev! You shouldn’t be getting into this kind of trouble. What if Dumbledore finds out it was you?

– Don’t know. But I doubt that he will. The real problem is what Potter and his friends have to do with whatever is in the shack. Regina and I didn’t see anything when we went there, so… Where was the animal that torn up the house? How does it even come in? Maybe they have something illegal.

– Not even they would do such things, Sev.

– You weren’t there. Whatever’s happening to the shack, they know it and are trying to keep it a secret.

Lily shivered.

– Well, I won’t tell them anything of what you told me jut now. But, Sev… Try to steer clear of this sort of thing, okay? It’s not worth it. They might be a bit of troublemakers, but they wouldn’t anything _illegal_.

– That’s your opinion of them. – snorted Severine. – You don’t know half of they are up to. How can you know? They trespassed the shack, too.

– If they could tell Dumbledore about it, they probably had his permission.

– And since when Dumbledore cares about what’s right, as long as his perfect Gryffindor students stay out of detention? – retorted Severine, to then add: – But I suppose you are right. If Dumbledore knows…

Lily could tell Severine conceded only to put an end to the discussion and move on from it; another subject to add to the growing list of things they couldn’t talk about without pointlessly arguing, one deaf to the arguments of the other.

– Promise you’ll let me know next time you stir problem like this again. This is serious. I think I should know what’s going on with you. – she pleaded.

– Of course.

That was a lie. Lily wanted to insist, but said nothing else, upset because her friend was turning into someone she didn’t quite like... Severine used to be honest, for good or for bad. Maybe it would all pass once the confirmation Potter wasn’t doing anything wrong came. Lily could understand her wish to see him and his gang pay for _something_.

Before they went in their own way, Severine tugged Lily’s sleeve.

– Hey, Lily.

– What is it?

– You aren’t mad at me or anything, are you? I didn’t tell you when it first happened because I thought… I don’t know. It is serious. I just didn’t think you’d be interested in that mess.

– I’m worried, not mad. You don’t do this sort of thing usually. You are letting your anger get the better of you.

– Anger…? – Severine echoed and put her hands in her pockets. – I suppose you can call it that. Don’t worry, though. Something like that shouldn’t happen again. There are only so many haunted shacks around for Regina to break into.

– That’s so weird. She and her brother love to do that sort of thing. They seem so different.

– They are. But not about that, it looks like.

– Is she really your friend now?

Severine shrugged.

– I think so.

– She won’t replace me, right?

– Doubt it.

– Okay. It’s nice to see you making more friends. – said Lily. – I should be going now, or else I’ll be late. So we’re still meeting at the study hall later, right?

– Yeah. See you there.

– See you.

Lily walked away feeling like a weight lifted off her shoulders. It was not the end of the world, after all. They were still good friends.

On the surface, everything was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to mark speech by quotation marks. Unfortunately this chapter was already written and I didn't have time to change how I wrote down speech, but in the upcoming chapters, this will be rectified :)


	5. Chapter 4

**December, 1974**

“Dad, can we invite Severine over for Christmas? Her family is not going to do anything for Christmas’ Eve and I’d like to spend it with her.”, asked Lily at the dinner table.

Despite being best friends, they did not spend any time at each other’s homes. Lily never visited Severine’s place. First, her parents didn’t let her wander into Severine’s neighborhood. And, secondly, Mr. Snape hated wizards.

As for why Severine didn’t often visit Lily’s place: Mr. and Mrs. Evans deemed her “problematic” because of the way she dressed and carried herself. Lily thought it was a bit unusual, but it was not enough reason to ostracize her like that.

Petunia choked with a bite of her food.

“You are going to invite the freak over, when all of our relatives will see her?”

“Don’t call her that, Petunia! Dad, please? Mom? Anyone?”

Rose, Lily’s mother, swallowed a sip of water, uneasy. Lily looked just like a younger, thinner version of her. She had been pretty before marrying and having two children.

“How about we make a deal? She can come over if she acts like a lady the whole night. That girl’s mother didn’t raise her right. Letting her walk around looking like one of those queers...”

“Darling, don’t mention this sort of thing in front of the children,”said Joseph, Lily’s father, quite sternly.

Lily held her chin up. She didn’t care to watch the news or paid much attention to what was going on in the muggle world, so the meaning of the word queer was obscure to her. Except that it sounded bad. Whatever queer was, Severine couldn’t be it.

“We have a deal. She can act like a lady if she wants to.”

“Then what is she waiting for?” sneered Petunia.

“She just doesn’t care about boys yet. Neither should she. We’re still too young for this sort of thing.”

Joseph sighed and played with his food a little, tired from work. Sweat formed droplets on his forehead.

“I suppose I’ll accept this deal. Lily, don’t forget our closest relatives will be here. You don’t want us to be embarrassed in your behalf, do you?”

“You won’t be.”

Lily couldn’t wait to tell Severine about it. Three years passed since the last Christmas they spent together. The heavy snow prevented traveling, and no relatives came around. It was just Lily, her immediate family and Severine. Lily had fond memories of that peaceful night.

She’d feel more at ease with her bunch of relatives if Severine was around.

The next day, two days before Christmas, they met by the playground still used at a meeting spot, even if they were no longer interested in playing there.

“Sev, hi. So, I have a proposal to make to you.” said Lily, sitting by the swing near the one Severine was on. “Would you like to spend your Eve with me and my family? I mean, some relatives should be coming down as well. A few aunts and uncles, cousins, that sort of thing. Since your family won’t be doing anything…”

“Sounds like it will be fun.”

“There’s one thing, though.”

“What is it?”

“You probably will have to wear a dress. I’ll borrow you one of mine.”

 

*

“So why do I have to wear a dress?” asked Severine, looking at herself in the mirror.

“My dad asked you to. You know, my relatives, they are all so nosy and gossip so many mean things. He wants to avoid awkward situations.”

“Well, his plan won’t work.”

Severine could see Lily making a weird face behind her. She seemed all around uncomfortable. And still looked like an aberration, being too tall and too skinny for Lily’s dresses. The light colors that dominated Lily’s wardrobe – and entire bedroom – didn’t match her at all either.

“We’ll figure something out. Maybe we should tie your hair somehow, put on some of my makeup I own.”

“I’ll look even worse, Lily. I should just stay at home.”

“Aw, don’t say that! It’ll be so sad. Plus, you look so pretty! You really do! You just have to act a bit more lady-like. Every girl can be a lady. Maybe you don’t feel like you can because everyone picks on the way you look so much, so you just don’t try at all.”

“That’s not it.” said Severine.

Then again, she didn’t quite know what was _it_ about. Something fundamental about her didn’t accept to live in the world of pink and frills Lily lived in. It was just not who she was. She was not meant to be a lady, princess, damsel or whatever.

Still, it would be just for one night.

“Let me at least tie your hair so we can see how it goes. Okay?”

“I suppose.”

It didn’t go any better. Severine felt mismatched somehow, even though technically she looked good with her hair half-tied.

“Sev, what’s about it that you don’t like? I can tell you are uncomfortable.”

“It feels like…” Severine hesitated. She was not very eloquent when pressed. “Putting on a ridiculous costume. It doesn’t really matter if people laugh at me more the other way around. I don’t mind. At least I feel like myself.”

“So you feel like a boy, or something? Because you look like one normally.” asked Lily, confused.

“I’m a girl. Just not one like you.”

“Don’t say that, Sev.”

“I know I’m not pretty, but I swear this is not it.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“So there is a problem with me after all.” rebutted Severine.

Silence fell heavy in the room. Suddenly, the walls covered in wallpaper flowers closed into her, making her breath difficult.

“I should really just stay at home. I’ll be going now.”

Severine left the room and went into the bathroom, further down the hall, with tears accumulating in her eyes. Lily waited for her by the door when she walked out, changed into her clothes, ready to leave.

“Sev, you know that’s not what I meant…”

“Then why don’t you stop trying to “fix” me? It’s not a problem. It shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Fine! I’ll stop it then! You’ll grow it out on your own eventually.”

Another issue. Severine didn’t feel like she’d ever grow out of it. Lily reassured her again and again that it was normal not to be interested in boys at her age, that was the reason behind her way of behaving and dressing, but she was turning fifteen in only a handful of days.

Boys were simply not interesting at all. If becoming feminine had anything to do with them, maybe Severine would never be such. She didn’t want to turn into her mother. She didn’t want to turn into Lily’s mother, either, with her perfect husband and family.

“What makes you think I even _want_ to get married and have children? I hate children. I hate marriage.”

“Don’t say those things! When you fall in love, you’ll change your mind. Your time will come.”

It was like talking to a brick wall. Severine just went around Lily and left without saying goodbye to her or to Mrs. Evans.

What if none of that was a phase she’d grow out of? What would Lily think of her then?

Severine walked all the way to her house with the worst scowl, kicking piles of snow on the way to unwind the frustration. Tobias was passed out by the couch when she arrived. Eileen was in the kitchen.

"Severine, an owl arrived for you." Eileen said in her mousy tone of voice. "I don’t think it’s from Hogwarts. I put it on your desk."

"Thanks. I’ll go get it."

"Tobias said something about going to the bar later tonight before passing out. I’ll cook something nice for the two of us."

Despite being angry at Eileen’s mistakes, Severine didn’t have a bad relationship with her mother. It was cold and distant, perhaps, but once in a while they got along well. With Tobias out, the Eve was bound to be so much better than spending the night pleasing Lily’s relatives.

"Okay."

Severine went upstairs. The letter on top of her desk had an insignia marked upon red wax, but it was not Hogwarts’.

_Dearest Severine,_

_I hope you don’t mind that I thought of writing you to see how your Christmas holidays are going. Mine aren’t going so well… My brother was forced to stay at the house and he’s not happy about it. So it’s all very chaotic around here._

_Can’t stop thinking about what happened at the shack and what my brother is hiding. I sent Kreacher (my domestic elf) to snoop around, but he found nothing. I suppose we’ll have to keep being in the dark for a while. I dislike it, to say the least._

_Also? I’m going to spend the Eve at the Malfoy’s, and I found out nearly all of your friends will be there. Avery, Mulciber, Rosier… You are the only one who will be missing. Maybe next holidays you can come to my house so we can go together,_ _if it’s not a problem to be apart from your family..._ _I’d love to be in your company. It would be like my Christmas’ gift._

_Happy Holidays,_

_R.A.B_

 

At least _someone_ liked Severine for who she was.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone comments "but X character would never be homophobic!!!11!": I'm trying to stick to what's canon as much as possible, and if the lack of LGBT representation says something about the Wizardry World (plus the fact that it IS stuck in the past), is that it is homophobic. Homophobia is going to be a huge factor in the plot and the relationships of the characters, and unfortunately it comes even from fundamentally good, well-intentioned people.


End file.
